


Hera: Queen of the Gods, Goddess of marriage

by Stellabella



Series: Olympus High [1]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stellabella/pseuds/Stellabella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey. I’m Zeus. You might know me as the king of the gods and leader of all Olympus. And trust me I wish I could be, but unfortunately right now the only thing I am king of is the prom. Yeah, I’m a high school student. Yeah, it pretty much sucks. The Oracle told me to start a little diary about all my future subjects. Apparently the more I know them the easier it will be to rule them when I get older. So here we are, welcome to the inner workings of Olympus High.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hera: Queen of the Gods, Goddess of marriage

Oh, Hera, Hera, Hera. How did I end up with you? I mean, out of all the goddesses in this school, I end up dating my sister. Being gods we don’t really have the same ideals about incest and gene pools and such, but still. Hera is queen of the gods/ goddess of marriage. Unfortunately, unlike her, I have never been great at staying true to relationships. So I tend to have a couple slip ups every now and then. But can you blame me; I’m stuck with dating my sister. Hera is vice president of the school council and rules the student body with an iron fist. Technically I am in charge. But when it comes to paper work and fund raisers, I just don’t have time for that. So I leave it up to her to keep this school running smoothly. And anyway, girlfriend is such a restricting term. I like to think of her more as my secretary.  
Zeus’ affairs  
Ok I’ll admit I’m not the greatest boyfriend ever. But it’s not really my fault that all these ladies want a piece of the thunder. I suppose I should congratulate Hera for sticking around with me for so long. I’m actually pretty surprised she hasn’t really gotten mad at me a single time. No, instead of taking out her rage on me she tends to take it out on the poor, beautiful girls that find themselves under my spell. What can I say, I’m a handsome guy. Anyway, I’m not very proud of most of these, but I might as well tell you about some of my more famous… slip ups.  
Well I guess I’ll start from the very beginning. When Hera and I first started getting serious, I might have possibly, accidentally, gone out with a girl named Leto, without Hera knowing. And, while we were on this date I may have also possibly gotten her ever so slightly pregnant, with twins. Well obviously after the whole pregnant thing happened, Hera found out about it pretty quickly. As soon as she heard about it, she stormed up to Leto’s apartment, bashed the door down and strode right up to Leto’s face. Fortunately for me, because Hera is the goddess of protecting women it was against everything she stood for to beat up a pregnant lady.  
So instead she came up with a deal. Leto could keep the babies, as long as she did not give birth to them on land or water. Hera then spent a really long time running around and telling everyone to ignore Leto if she asked them for help. So Leto and I travelled across the land dropping in at every hospital and cheap motel we could find, but no one would let her us stay. Every single time they turned us down, I felt compelled to yell “Do you even know who I am?” because it’s weird for people to ignore me. But apparently yes, they did know who I was, but they just feared Hera’s wrath a little more than mine. That hurts. But they still refused to let us stay. So Leto and I decided that if she couldn’t give birth on land, we would have to figure out a way to cheat the system. I knew a couple of people that could help us, and pretty soon we were up in a massive MI-26 helicopter. Man, those things are giant, definitely big enough for a woman with twins. So, the birth went relatively well. The first kid was a girl, so we named her Artemis, and the second was a boy named Apollo. So that’s how they were born. And we didn’t even go against Hera’s wishes, technically.  
Okay, so the next one was pretty awkward. I was hanging out with this girl named Io; I swear we were just hanging out, nothing more. So, just as Io was about to leave, in walks Hera. She has a knack for turning up at the worst times. So normally in this situation I would just turn myself into a bird or something before she saw me. But unfortunately this time my focus was directed... elsewhere when she walked in. This meant that my only choice was to disguise Io as something. Now, I love Hera, but for some reason whenever I see her all I can think of are big fat stupid cows. So when I looked up again, suddenly I was kissing a big ugly cow.  
When Hera walked up, she looked a little confused. But unfortunately I don’t think she bought it. When I told her that I was just taking this wonderful cow to the market, she replied with “We live in the middle of the city, there is literally not single market anywhere near here.” Yes, she’s a clever one that Hera, almost too clever. She said that if I wanted to get rid of the cow, I should just give it to her and she would figure something out. Now this put me in an awkward position, if I gave her Io who knows what she would do to the poor cow-lady. But if I refused, she would know it was a trick and I would never hear the end of it. So I gave her the cow. Hera immediately whipped out a faux leather collar and leash and sauntered away with the poor, delusional Io. Now, I wasn’t really there for the rest of it, but apparently Hera dragged Io down to the horsefly infested pond and tied her up. So Io got plagued by horseflies and I got a little embarrassed.  
There was this one time when I was seeing this girl named Callisto and we had decided to go for a walk in the woods. Unfortunately Hera somehow knew about it and decided to turn up as well. Also by some strange coincidence, Callisto’s brother was also out in the woods. That guy was a little weird; he spent his time stalking around the dark woods “hunting”. Anyway, Callisto and I were skipping around, being happy when suddenly there was a massive flash and an explosion rocked the entire forest. I was shot back onto the ground and separated from Callisto. When I managed to get back up off my butt, Callisto was nowhere to be seen. Instead, in her place was a massive she-bear.  
It turned out that Hera was not feeling very sympathetic that day. So I thought that I would just turn her back into a beautiful lady and continue on our date, but then something awful happened. Apparently her idiot brother had decided to go bear hunting in that exact area. Suddenly out of the bush leaped a screaming and rabid looking brother with what I hoped was mud streaked down his cheeks. He had a dangerous looking expression and an even more dangerous looking gun thrust out in front of him. He tore out into the path of the confused Callisto-bear, shoved the barrel of his gun into her snout and pulled the trigger. Luckily I managed to leap in at the last second and stop her brother from shooting her in the face. But there was so little time that I only had one choice. I punched her into outer space. There wasn’t much else I could have done okay, if I had turned her back into a human she would have just been a human shot in the face. So now she is still a bear, a bear in space.  
Okay now I know this is going to sound strange, but there was this one time when Hera was so mad at me that she actually stopped talking to me. This legitimately scared me, and everyone knows that the mighty Zeus is never scared.  
So I decided to go to a couple’s councilor/oracle who thinks he knows a lot about relationships. He told me that the only way to get Hera back was to make her jealous. This wasn’t exactly the kind of advice I was expecting, but I decided to try it out.  
So I followed his instructions and positioned myself on a bench in the middle of Hera’s favorite park. I placed a veil over the face of the human sized doll I had sitting next to me and I put my arm over its shoulders. This was probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever done, and that includes punching a bear into space and making out with a cow. Anyway, Hera was strolling along in the park just like I thought she would be, and she saw me sitting on the bench with my arm draped around a strange figure. Hera couldn’t take it anymore; she rushed up to the bench and ripped the veil off the ‘intruder’. To her delight, there was nothing there but a crudely drawn face on a pumpkin. Hera could not believe that I wasn’t actually cheating on her this time, she leapt up into my arms and we span away into the sunset. What can I say, maybe it’s not ‘healthy’ for her to be in this relationship, but it makes me happy. So doesn't that ultimately mean it’s better for everyone? I think so.


End file.
